Books?

Hey guys, so today I just want to talk about books. So, I wonder how many people out there read books? or how many of you tell yourself that you hate reading and all? Honestly, I used to not like reading because I found it kind of boring and I just didn't like it. But recently, I've started to read because I thought that it would help me to improve my English. I honestly don't know if its working but at least it gives me more ideas on writing compos and stuff. Anyways, the first book I read was this Body Language Book because I wanted to learn what people's body language actually meant.

 

 

After reading this book, I went on to read 'The Fault in Our Stars'. It was a really realistic book with a bit of a twist to it but of course, I don't want to be a spoiler.

 



 

 

And again, after these books, I went on to read others such as 'Nobody' , 'Confessions of a Murder Suspect' and 'Guitar Notes'.

 

If your wondering why the type of books I read are so different, its just because since I started reading, I wanted to explore many different genres of books, not just stick to a certain category.  Moving on, what I really wanted to talk about was the amount of effort that Authors put into writing a book. Whenever I read a book, I always think, "Wow, the author spent so much of his/her effort just to publish his/her book. Just to get the book up on that shelf and to let others read and feel what they felt when they were writing the story." I mean, I have a lot of respect for them because its just amazing to me. To put in so much effort in a book, to think about all these kind of ideas. I feel that their passion really reached me, *not saying I like writing which I don't because I suck at writing* but I don't know. Don't you find it amazing? I mean especially if you love reading books. Isn't it fascinating that someone can come up with such a story that can make you feel all kinds of thing especially curiosity. I wonder how long do they even take to write something like that? Ever since I started reading, I realised that books are more than what you see on the cover page or what kind of story the book is trying to tell. A book is much more than that. Not only does it amaze you with such stories that you can't really imagine, but it makes you imagine that scenario in your head, it makes your creativity run wild. Other than that, it also shows you that the author probably had a certain experience in his/her life to inspire them to write such a book. A book that says so much which can also turn into an extraordinary movie. Maybe I might be thinking too much? but I don't care, just thinking about that, makes a book that may seem boring to me become fascinating.

 

Many people tell me some books are good and others tell me some books are bad. But in my opinion, there is no bad or good book. It just depends on how you read those books and how you see the message of the book. I won't lie, there is a book I'm reading right now which really doesn't interest me at all but it doesn't matter to me, because I will still read it til the last page. The author took so much time to write a book like that, their 'masterpiece' that has all their feelings and passion put into a single book. I feel that I want to respect those authors which is why I wouldn't ever leave a book that I bought unread. So basically, I just wanted people to know, that books are much more than what they seem. I hoped that people who love reading continue to read many more amazing books and for those people who 'hate' reading, well, its up to you if you really want to start or not. You never really know what you might come across in a book.

Thanks for reading, sorry I couldn't post in a long time, studying has become really intense nowadays... * even though nobody actually reads this blog but yeah, writing my thoughts and opinions are good enough for me :) *

 

Lost A Friend?

Hey guys, I just wanna talk about losing a friend. Honestly, I've never really lost a friend in my entire life before. Today is the first day I've ever lost a friend. The reason why I'm writing this on my blog is cos I don't want anyone to know the truth of how i felt during this period of time. ( I mean i dun think anyone reads this blog anyways. ) I don't want anyone to know cos I want them to side my friend cos I know she needs it more than me.

Before I start anything, I want you guys to know that what I'm about to write is gonna look like I'm blaming her for everything but please read it to the end.

Now lets just refer to her as May. So I guess it all started when she started becoming boy crazy and hungry for love, I mean like i know there's alot of girls like that but she just grew to become more in need of boys. Like as if she can't live without them, she always told me and our friends about all her boyfriends, ex, guys who like her or who she likes. At first we didn't mind at all cos I think thats wad we all talk about once in awhile but she as we grew older, she started talking more and more about and it became something like, something she couldn't live without. Now the problem is, she changes who she likes very fast and she always asks us for advice, we always told her to not be clingy or so into guys but I guess it was probably a language she just couldn't understand. We actually gave her so many chances when she disappointed us with her actions but obviously, she doesn't know. Then there was a point of time where we just couldn't take it anymore, we felt that she's changed, into a really different person, as if she was a stranger. I used to know her as an innocent and kind girl who wouldn't go over the line and stick to not doing "bad stuff". But now she seems to be so distant. I ask myself so many times "Is she rly the May I used to know?" We then started to confront her to tell her everything that she's been doing, we told her that she shouldn't be doing the things she did. (Not going to state what she did) We spent hours and hours on talking to her, she cried cos we were probably too straightforward. But we knew that if we weren't, she wouldn't even understand.

Now, here comes the worse part. Everything we said, nothing, NOTHING went into her hear. I mean she apologised, but she didn't know what she even did wrong. It was an empty apology. She has been asking us for many 'favours' until we felt that we were being used. I was rly disappointed in her and I even told her face to face, but she still didn't change and continued to do the things we didn't like and even more things. I really felt so helpless. I didn't even blame her for using me and i told her that cos I always felt that many ppl used me alrdy so its ok. I'm just shocked at how much a person can change. Like I'm sure you have that childhood friend that suddenly changed to be like a.. monster? I know it must really hurt to see your close friend turn out to be like that especially when whatever you say wont get into his/her head. I believe that its cos they cant face reality so they decide to only hear what they want to hear and go with the ppl who encourage them. But I'm scared... cos I don't know if those so called 'good ppl' are real or fake? I guess I'm just worried I can never see her as someone familiar anymore.

Recently, I've seen her instagram posts and she looks so happy... with all these 'new friends' of hers. But here's how I feel now... When I saw those pictures, it was when she didn't text me for a long time. So I just thought to myself, "wow... she must be having the time of her life without me". This is only place where I can rly share my feelings without thinking about any consequences so I'm just gonna say everything. I felt that she didn't need me in her life anymore so I decided that this 'friendship' has to end. To me, she was becoming more and more out of hand, she never ever learned her lesson. I felt that all she cared about was to be popular, thats why she actually made this problem even bigger by telling other ppl who don't even know us. I thought that she wanted to gain sympathy by letting others know that she's the 'victim'. But then i thought, if i was in her situation, i would definitely seek help from anyone cos I'm all alone. However, I would definitely not make it known on any social media platform. I believe that I have to solve MY OWN PROBLEMS, i would get other people's opinions but I wouldn't let them influence what I truly want to say. I'm a bytch for comparing aren't I? So anyways, I told her today that i wanted to end this 'friendship' cos I really couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't bear to see my 'friend' do all of this anymore...

So I'm gonna share how I've felt during this whole process. In my entire life, I never wanted to give up on anybody cos if I were them, I wouldn't want people to give up on me either. So when I thought about losing a friend, I just couldn't imagine that scenario. I remembered when she texted me to so called 'apologise' so I texted her my honest thoughts on everything, while i was typing, i actually cried... cos i was imagining how things could be like this. til my other friends told me that she just retyped the message she texted them to me. Her reply... just.. made me really sad.. cos all she cared about was that I was giving up on out 'friendship'. I know that sounds weird but the prob is, she dragged alot of ppl into this problem already and after that, she wants me to just forget everything she's done and just continue to be friends. Its like she says she would change but her actions contradict her. So she wants me to give her another chance but she doesn't know how many chances I've given her also. I mean i just feel like I cant accept the way she is now... She tells me many things, she tells me that cos of this problem, she feels very hurt and she even feels suicidal. But I told her this, "If you've felt that way, then I would have been alrdy dead." I guess she wants me to forgive her by gaining sympathy? But I wonder if she knows? That to be honest, almost every single time she texted me, I actually cried, and i dun even know why? Tears just fell... and more and more just started to fall. May,who said she felt like that, could go out and make other friends and hang out tgt while I, who was at home crying or went to schl thinking about this problem all the time and even asking other ppl what I should do. They all told me to not get involved with her and they asked why would I still be her friend after she made me feel like that. I didn't have a clue either, all I was thinking about at that point of time was that I was hoping and praying that the May I know would come back... Idk how hard it was for her but I can say that she wasn't the only suffering all this time.

So the reason why I finally decided to rly give up is cos I started to think about what she rly did for me? I realised that I've never asked her to rly lie for me or anything very big that would cause a commotion but apparently, she did that to me. But I was always clinging onto her as she also claims that she was trying to salvage things. (ofc she doesn't know that either) She probably doesn't know what I've done for her during this period of time but I think that should remain as a secret. I admit that I cared alot about her even though I told her many straightforward bad things she's done. Its ironic though... how much i worried about how she was doing but I still told her off harshly. I must have been a real bytch to her at that time. I wouldn't blame her entirely cos I guess its also my fault. I wasn't able to stop her from doing all these bad things. I actually always blame myself for not telling her from the start what she did wrong. I should have put it in a harsh way from the start so she would listen but sadly... it was too late when i realised. But I guess everything doesn't matter anymore now, right? But there is one thing that I really want to say though, the real reason why I decided to unfriend May was not only because of the fact that I felt that she only wanted to hang out with popular ppl which I felt that she didn't need me to be in her life cos I'm not popular. its also because that, I'm probably not anyone significant in her life anymore, so whatever I say, she wouldn't listen anyways and if I'm still part of her life, it would just be an extra problem for her so I should just leave cleanly and let her do whatever she wants... She's better off without me being a burden to her popularity.

I guess thats all I want to say, this is definitely one hard night for me but I guess its also a test. To see who are my true friends and who are my fake friends. Many ppl told me that in life, there would definitely be those few friends that will become strangers and sadly... May had to be the first. I never wanted this to happen and I never expected this to happen either. It was just too much to handle, I'd rather take the blame for everything, have everyone see me as the 'bad guy'. She can have all the sympathy and friends she wants, as long as she's happy without me, then... i guess it'll be alright.
Life goes on not knowing what the future has prepared for us.

I shall end this off with just sharing with you what i feel is best in both perspectives. Now if you were May and you had a friend telling you everything you don't want to hear. Well, FACE REALITY and just listen, even if it makes you cry. Don't just listen blindly but listen with your heart, cos these harsh words can actually help you big time. Stop whatever your friends think your doing wrong and start changing SLOWLY not entirely. But this is the risk, i know that its definitely not easy to do that. Well then, you have to be prepare, prepared to lose those friends. Cos if you don't want to change then you have to find people who accept you for the things you do. You have to sadly lose those friends. Its not gonna be easy but all i can say is, be honest with what you want to say, don't just know like "Oh I did wrong, so i'm just gonna apologise and hope they give me a chance and forget everything." Don't think like that cos for all you've known, they could have been putting up with you for a very long time. Don't just say empty words, you have to prove it. But if you can't, you have to be prepared to lose those friends cos you can't turn back anymore...

Now if you were me. You had May as a friend for so long and you cant imagine not having her as a friend but on the other hand, you really can't stand her new attitude towards things. I suggest that you should not wait and be nice to her and keep giving her chances. Before anything gets worse, you need to straightforwardly and harshly tell her about what she's been doing that disappoints you. This will definitely be hard cos you would be afraid to hurt your friend's feelings. But what I realised is that true friends will always tell you the truth no matter if its a bad or good thing or how harsh it can be. ALWAYS BE HONEST ESPECIALLY ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS WHAT SHE'S DOING! If not you would really regret one day. I really hope that your friend will understand you and your intentions and not misunderstand you.

No matter in which perspective we're looking at. I cant tell you that its not going to be easy. But life is never easy, the best things come after the hardest times. So GOOD LUCK to any friendship problems your facing, I hope you overcome them to become even closer and more understanding friends. I definitely hope you won't end up like me and May.

Bye! Thanks for reading my story til the very end.

Life with Friends~

Hey guys, its been a really long time since I posted and today I'm gonna be talking about my view on seeing my friend's around me. Its about how i feel as i have been friends with them and seeing how they grow and change along the years. I don't know if any of my friends would read this but i hope they do even if its bad...

Anyways, not gonna state any names but its just that I've known my friends for so long and I see how they change and how their personality changes too. I always see them do the wrong things or see them heartbroken with anything and it really hurts me too. I get disappointed with what they do but i guess the fact is that I'm more disappointed in myself for seeing them do that and yet, i couldn't do anything to stop them. Sometimes i wonder if they became like that because of me? Maybe thats why I've been feeling guilty and feel that I need to be there for them to take care of them. I won't state what they did wrong but all i can say is that I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY ANYMORE. But i know I'll never give up on them either, no matter what they do. Even if they get angry at me or anything, I'll still wanna be friends with them even if they might secretly hate me or anything. Honestly, I wish we could rewind time and just go back to being simple without having to deal with any complicated things. Why can't everything just be simple? Why can't people just say what they want to honestly and not think about all the possible bad outcomes there could be?

Do you have friends that you just feel disappointed in them and like, you feel like you can't face them? I'm sure everyone has those few friends they have known for years which change a lot. I just want you to know that if you ever feel that its your fault for what your friends have become, just TAKE A BREAK. I know that its hard cos you might feel helpless or anything but sometimes its something that is beyond what you can do. You can't control their life, in the end they are responsible for their own life. There's one thing that I realised through this whole process, its that you have to rmb that ITS THEIR LIFE! You may be part of their life but its them who would make their own choices in the end, NOT YOU. I'm still puzzled and scared of what might happen to my friends but all I know is that I'll be there for them whenever they need me. Even if it pains me to see them like that, I'll just have to endure cos its NOT MY LIFE. So don't be too hard on yourself or anything, don't constantly blame yourself cos of what your friends become, its not something that you can control. Just be there for them when they need you to and when they really realise the problem and start sharing it to you, be there to give them the right advice and your opinion on it.

We all face many different friendship problems we have with our friends and there are definitely times where we feel helpless and at a loss. But sometimes things may happen and its just something that we can't prevent, so before blaming yourself, just think that what has happened has already happened. No point dwelling on the past, just think about what YOU, YOURSELF can do for them. Even if its something that is very small, at least its still something. You never know, the smallest things could mean a lot to them. ;) I hope that you are able to tell them face to face instead of me. Whatever the problem you may have, I hope that it all works out for you in the end. :)

I know I usually don't even talk about my life on my blog because I really dun like to share my problems cos it seems like a huge burden. So the reason why I'm sharing this problem is because I can't seem to find anyone to say what my real reasons are for whatever actions or views that I have. I don't share this with my friends cos I don't want them to feel bad and pity me or anything, I really dislike people pitying me. So all i have is this blog which probably no one sees but at least its somewhere that i can let out some things. Thanks for reading~ ^^

Its Okay to Be Afraid.

Hey guys, today I just wanna share with you guys that its okay to be afraid. I'm sure that many of you, or should i say EVERYONE OF YOU are afraid of something. Maybe its normal fears like, fear of animals or things or just someone. Or maybe it could be that your afraid of something that might happen? The fear I'm going to talk about today is the fear or something that is going to happen.
So... I'm sure some of you are afraid of something that might happen, be it losing someone, the problems that may grow or even 'yourself'. Your afraid to lose that important someone, that someone who you can rely on, the one whose important to you. Your afraid that the person will forget you one day, right? But let me tell you this, if that person really cares about you, you won't have to feel afraid, you wouldn't have to keep doing something to make sure your close to that person. Think about it, if that person really cares for you, you wouldn't have to make yourself feel this way, that person would make you feel safe and comfortable, not uncomfortable and crappy about yourself. But... I'm quite sure there's some of you out there who can't bear to leave that important someone, right? Well, in this case, you'll really have to trust that person, be patient and just wait for something to happen or change. Have faith in that person, but dun let your hopes be too high though, you have to be prepared of whatever that might happen. And if anything happens, I wan you to know that ITS OKAY! You can cry if you want, dun hide your tears, JUST LET IT ALL OUT! & you have to know that...

"Your not the one who didn't even try, you already did your best! Dun blame yourself for something that you knew somewhere in your heart that it was going to happen! "

Honestly, if she/he really thought you were important, they wouldn't leave no matter what, they would try their best to solve whatever problem there was. And I'm definitely sure, DEFINITELY, that you will meet that someone who will really appreciate you for who you are no matter how weird you are, why waste your efforts on someone who doesn't care instead of just looking right in front of you, there's always been that one person who was there for you whenever you needed it. Its NOT that there was no one there, its just that you need to REALISE that person. Well, so its okay to be afraid of what might happen in the future. Oh and a tip for you now is if your afraid, do the things that you want to do, make sure that if anything happens, YOU! Yourself know that you REGRET NOTHING, make sure that your contented with what you actually could do. BUT BUT BUT! If things worked out with just patience, then I'm really really happy for you~ Some things are like... All you need is time to see what could happen or wad you could do, so don't put so much pressure on yourself. ITS OKAY TO BE AFRAID! It shows that you actually cherish the person. You can't stop what's going to happen sooner or later, just let it happen and let go... Who knows? There might be someone you meet in the future who makes you feel much much much happier and you'll realise that it was the right choice to let go, am i right? Anyways, whatever happens, know that you weren't the one who didn't try and there will be people who will be there for you no matter what happens. SO DON'T FEEL SO CRAPPY ABOUT YOURSELF!

Thats probably what I wanna say, this blog post goes out to my friend who I'll always be there for~ Love ya~ REMEMBER THAT I'M THERE FOR YOU AND YOUR NOT ALONE!!! :D

Your Not Alone.

Hey guys, today I'm just gonna share with you some random thoughts I've had. This post is also for anyone who feels like their alone and there's nobody, just nobody that will be there for them.

I'm sure you feel very depressed and just even maybe thought about suicide before at least ONCE in your life. There are many things that everyone has been through that made them have many many many negative thoughts and feelings. You probably felt like SHYT! People treat you like shyt and you just watch them do that without saying a single word or doing a single shyt. You just wonder to yourself "What have I done to actually deserve this?" , "Why do they treat me like this when I've not even done anything to them?". Then you'll start to think that life's unfair and you just can't take it anymore. You start to isolate yourself from the world and think about all the negative things possible. You start to feel like a useless person, being a burden to the people around you and you just wanna run away from this harsh reality... BUT! but but but but but... Do you think that running away is going to help at all? Some people told me this "If everyone's life is unfair, then doesn't that make life fair?" I think that is actually quite true cos as days pass and i get to know more people and their problems, I realised that actually there are many people going through similar problems, your not the only one. Life is the hardest thing to go through but once you truly understand and meet the right people, then that's only the beginning. ;) So I guess the main thing I want you to know is that, YOUR NOT ALONE! I know I'm just some random person saying these things but I believe that no one is alone. There's always that one person that will be there for you no matter what! Even if you really think there's no one in mind now, but maybe that's because that person has not come to your life yet. I really think that if you want to be happy, you have to be patient and understanding. Think about the bright side of things~ Especially for me, I used to be a really negative, pessimistic and paranoid person but thanks to the people I've met, they've played a HUGE PART in changing my life and who I am now is all thanks to THEM! So if any of my friends/family sees this, I want you to know that I love you and without you, I wouldn't be who I am today, so YOUR AWESOME!

Loneliness is probably one of the worst feelings you can ever feel, to feel like your existence is just a nuisance to the world... That its better to just go away and never come back. Well, as time passes, you'll start to realise that there are people who need you, there are people who'll miss you, there are people waiting to meet you so that they can love you... They'll go to you and say "Don't cry, things will be fine, I'll be here for you." or "You'll never have to hide your tears again cos I'll be there to see you let everything out." So just be Patient, who knows what might happen is you just wait a little longer? ;) Don't rush things, you might meet the wrong people, just wait for it to naturally happen~ & remember, YOUR NOT ALONE! So SMILE!

Here's a song that is called "Your not alone" from an anime called "Kaichou Wa Maid Sama".
It no lyrics but just hear it~ I felt so much better after hearing it~